Bloody hell i had the weirdest and i do mean the weirdest of dreams last night. I was in a dungeon type place, it was black... with just a few candles burning. I was led in..gently by my hand.. and i had a great feeling of anticiation... and the thing is i couldnt see who was leading me, i couldnt see his face, just the hand kind of gently pulling me, and the song........ over and over... 'Natural born killers' by Leonard Cohen. It wouldnt stop it just kept playing and felt like it was 'in my head' And as i walked forward into this large room... there were other people and they just all turned round and stared at me... they stopped doing what they were doing and they all just stared like i was a stranger in an outback pub. It was so scarey and weird, i could feel their eyes on me..like they were looking into me...and i just looked down to the floor to avoid eye contact and the damn song got louder in my head. then i was led to the end of the room and my wrists were chained above my head stretching my arms to the ceiling, my ankles were also chained apart. The the 'hands' placed a large and heavy collar around my neck, it was so heavy and it was cutting in but i didnt make a single sound, i strained to see faces but it got darker, i couldnt see anything, could hear whispers, moans and that damn song..over and over. I felt trapped, i was scared, yet i had a strange feeling of 'knowing this was my place'....ok lol i said it was weird. I waited .... nothing.... i could see outlines of people making the most of the dungeon and its contents.... and i waited.... i felt intensely charged up, a real ache and yearning....and then people started laughing... song still playing..... i looked down at the floor, didnt dare look up, no faces, just sounds.... somebody stood before me....no face...but could feel the breathing on my face...could hear it..... i waited.... closed my eyes...loud in my head natural born killers song... then stinging to my face ...my face slapped so hard ...it jolted me... i wouldve lost my balance if the chains were not holding me in place, i made no sound, i didnt look up, eyes still closed.... and more came......each one causing my body to pull against the chains... so hard... endless.... both sides of my face .... i felt like i was slipping into some sort of dreamlike state... my head dizzy... yet still that bloody song over and over.... i could taste blood.... my lip was bleeding.... my eyes were watering...yet i made no sound......i looked up... a flame.... coming towards me... just a hand...no person..... a white glove.... a rubber glove..... i closed my eyes and waited...... and i felt the most amazing yet intense burning as hot candle wax dripped down upon my nipples... covering them....it seemed to last for ever.... yet still i made no sound and still the song played...louder... taking over my thoughts.... i couldnt concentrate on anything, my mind was all over the place... pain subsided into an odd throb between words of song.... my eyes tho closed were watering, the taste of blood still on my tongue... i felt like i was choking ...yet i wasnt....choking on the words that wouldnt stop, ..... yet my ache deepening.... i opened my eyes....head down...through the candle light i could see my nipples and breats were covered in deep red candle wax.... it looked like blood.... and then laughter again... i looked up... and another hard slap crashed again my face,... shaking me.... eyes open but nothing just darkness, and the damn song...tho distant... yet i needed that song... it was getting fainter and fainter.... but i followed it....my mind chasing it.... like i was being pulled towards it....

Then i woke up! That was it.... i woke up..... at first i didnt know where the hell i was and the song was still fresh in my head.... i wanted desperately to go back...but i couldnt.... my face was wet.... and i had bit my lip.... and for a while i just lay in bed wondering what the hell that was all about, yet feeling a real sadness at not being able to return there.Bloody hell, how weird is that!. It seemed so bloody real.... every little thing about it... and i so badly wanted to know what happened next, now i feel like ive missed out! My ache was and is very real... my wetness speaking volumes for the intensity of my dream.

So now im sat drinking my coffee, typing this and listening to Natural Born Killers that i have just downloaded, funny thing is i know the lyrics off by heart now.

I could go to the shower and take relief.... i could go and wake Steve.... i could get my 'toys' out...... but the funny thing is i would feel like i am cheating.... like i am depriving myself of what its meant for, like it wouldnt be enough..... oh bloody hell.... bloody dreams.

Right i shall go make another coffee.... have a ciggy.... and listen to Leonard Cohen .... Blessings to all on this bright and breezy Sunday Morning......... Kiri x